A man and his mountain

A celebration of International Men's Day

Yesterday was International Men’s Day.

And I was lucky enough to be asked to attend a men's hike in the Dublin mountains, which was put on by a good friend of mine, John Boland, along with other men's only groups in Dublin (Blueballs Ireland, Celbridge Boys Club, Dublin Boys Club)

Now, I would have gone to this regardless, as I have every year, as it is such a good cause, but this year was a little more special; over 300 attended, despite the bad weather and it being early on a Sunday morning, some in groups but a lot on their own, showing up for themselves, getting out of their comfort zone.

A day to celebrate and acknowledge the men in the world is one thing, but to bring greater awareness to others that men suffer heartache too; men, too, get physically and mentally abused in the workplace and at home; men feel the pressures of life daily, which at times may not get the coverage that it needs, now it may not be in the higher statistics that we read or see in the news, but it is happening. Men suffer too.

And yesterday was a chance for men to stand together, shoulder to shoulder, to support one another in their everyday fights.

And I’d like to use the term in a different light or meaning by saying each and everyone did “Man Up” by attending, letting go of what society may have thought us for year that it was weak.

There was a photo taken at one stage by Conor (above image), the photographer on the day, which capitulated the mass numbers of a sea of men taking strides along this scenic pathway; it is a compelling photo, but the genuinely hard-hitting message was only given when someone commented on the shot after seeing it.

"We lost the same number of men in this photo to suicide last year."

Death by suicide is the up there as one of the greatest killer’s of men in Ireland, with some staggering statistics of the numbers where as high as 70%+ of suicides were men.

Yesterday was a stepping stone in breaking that stigma of men being able to speak out and talk openly about their problems and not feeling alone.

Being around others who may or may not feel they have stuff going on (we all do, regardless of what we see as significant), they showed up and supported one another.

In my talk, I spoke of a story of being on a night hike up an active volcano, and before we started our last dangerous part of the hike, we had some coffee. I may have made a joke or two for one of the young lads; Ronan asked me if I was not scared (at what was ahead of us). I told him I was petrified, but I was enjoying my coffee right now. It wasn't till after we got down that he revealed that he did not think he would have been able to go on if I had not admitted my fears. He did not feel alone and realized then that another was feeling as he was.

That simple piece of honesty helped him achieve something on his bucket list. How glad was I? I did not use that macho male image I would have previously used and said, "Not one bit scared, mate."

The fear of being mocked or the shame of being petrified of what lay ahead of us was released, and I was honest and, in turn, helped another (if not all that heard this conversation)

And that was what yesterday's hike was all about. We may not have been climbing a volcano that could erupt, but to some, it may have felt like that inside. However, others may have felt, it was made easier as they were not doing it alone.

So to all the men who read this and to all those who have men (brothers, partners, dads, uncles, neighbours) in their lives who may need reminding, YOU too are not alone; there is always help there and someone who will listen and help you climb that internal mountain. And if you don't remind them enough or think they already know, tell them again.

The power of voice and communication without judgment, removing barriers and fear, is the way forward to stop those numbers that are taking people's lives too soon.

There are helpline numbers for those who may feel unequipped to deal with it entirely, but listening and providing that space is a start.

With the proper support from everyone, it is a step in the right direction, showing kindness and love to the men we encounter each day, creating a movement of openness and compassion to all.

As always, thanks for reading,

and please be kind to yourself and each other.

Marcus