THREE times this week, I've offered to assist in helping some ladies with something they looked like they were struggling with, to being told each time, "I'm fine."
Now I'm all for equality and feminism and whatnot, but my ma also thought me to be kind and a gentleman whenever a situation arose.
So I offer.
Be it in the gym moving a heavy bench, shopping bags, or even reaching to get things off the shelf at the supermarket (now, those smartarses who know me, YES, she was smaller than me, and I am well capable of reaching the top shelf)
I saw they were struggling and offered my assistance, and I'm glad they said No, as it has prompted this week's email.
Sidenote ~ others have accepted my help in the past, so this is not general.
So let’s change it up for the sake of this email.
Picture this scene, ladies, you are at home, and your better half (husband, partner,) or even brother or friend is trying to move that heavy table or wardrobe, bed, or any object that "would look better over there."
They manage, but with some struggle, so you offer to help.
They will possibly say, "No, I'm fine," the stupid ego takes over, and they and you know you are not as strong as them, so why bother to accept the help.
This statement does not need to be said, but you offer to help get the job done.
And eventually, they give in to the acceptance of help.
Dropping the ego and allowing help when needed, even if the majority of the weight, possibly 70% it will be taken by them, and you are just there to support them.
That 70/30 ratio is a rough estimate.
Please stay with me as it has context to this whole email.
Why? Because men are stronger naturally, the reason being why they are moving this object in the first place.
This can work with fixing a light fitting or cleaning the gutters, and the ladder needs to be steadied and held.
It's an ego boost of sorts, but it is just how it is in many households in society.
Eventually, with teamwork, the job gets done.
OK, let's switch scenarios now.
Emotions, feelings, struggles, worries, and fears are where the tables are turned.
It is being vulnerable and shedding a tear or two.
This is a women's strength, when I say strength, I mean the ability to accept them, sit with them, talk about them, and allow them to happen.
not the most crucial aspect, but added to this is communication, and we all agree women are the better talkers of both sexes.
This, unfortunately, is where the 70/30 ratio changes, possibly to 80/20 or more.
Many men struggle.
Many men will NOT ask for help.
Many men will say, "they are fine."
This is where we (society) need to try and normalize this type of teamwork, this type of conversation, and make it the norm.
As if it were asking “what would you fancy for tea?”
And trust me, most men would prefer to move one hundred pieces of heavy furniture then have them.
But this is where the women can show their strength, and their comfort and knowledge in these matters come into play.
If you notice someone struggling, or not being themselves, create a safe environment to ask them, "Can I help?" and make it OK to be vulnerable in front of you.
You are there to help "get the job done" as a team.
Let them feel the weight of their problems will be lightened with your help.
It may take some time, possibly generations, to get that ratio down to normalize men talking about these more easily, but it needs to start somewhere.
And hopefully, someday, with the proper soft and careful communication, we can turn this around, and it can be as easy as moving some furniture?
And in the words of that great tv character Ross from Friends.
PIVOT !! PIVOT !!
Thanks for reading.
Marcus
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