I didn't realise I ran away.

We all have core memory orbs.

Photo by Hannah Jacobson on Unsplash

First impressions last, it has been said that when we meet someone we have never met before, within the first 7 seconds we form our first impression of them, unconsciously.

On that first day of a new job, that first meeting on a date, with people who are in our company we already form some sort of opinion in our heads of them.

What happens in childhood is that we have not just seconds but minutes, hours, months, and years, where we form an opinion of someone or something that we encounter in life.

These become our core memories, a core memory famously named in the animated movie Inside Out, Core memories are created when a person experiences a certain event that defines one of their behavioural traits. They are stored inside the brain, in glowing orbs.

We, unfortunately as humans do not have glowing orbs, yet these "orbs" or memories are stored inside our brains in the unconscious and tend to raise their heads once a memory is reignited.

Our behaviours around our children or those who look up to us will teach those all they know, and for them to carry on in life for many years non the wiser.

Some of these lessons, sadly are not so good, such as how we speak to one another, how mannerly we are, habits we may have, to how we speak about others in company.

I am currently listening to the amazing late Sinead O Conner’s book on Audible and I was amazed at how much detail she remembers of various times in her life as a child, the enormous details she recalls of the happier times and sadly the not-so-happy ones.

Yet these core memories a young Sinead revisited allowed me to think back to times when I was a child and perhaps the lessons I took from them.

Now to the title, when I was smaller, you could jump over my back wall into a magical place, filled with children my age (an estate around the corner where my friends lived). And after a day of adventure, I would hop over the wall again and back to my back garden. The school we all went to was 4 doors up the road from my house, yet you had to walk around a few corners and down a laneway from all my friend's houses. Yet it took me 30 seconds to get to their houses once school was over??

Quite the mystery for a 9 or 10-year-old.

One day after school I decided to go to my friend's house and up the lane and around the few corners, yet once we got there I could see my house from his front garden so I did not see the issue, oh I may not have mentioned I forgot to tell my mam I was going there.

Fast forward what seemed a few minutes, a police car pulled into the estate, and out the back door came my running mother, tears in her eyes.

I didn't think she would be at the front gate of the school or waiting in my front garden for me to walk home (as I felt I was old enough and responsible enough to do so).

She came rushing at me and gave me the biggest loving hug for what seemed like hours saying she was so happy I was ok, and then a sharp slap on the back side shouting "Don't you ever do that again, as she got such a fright"

A core memory of mine, first and foremost showing me love, showing me she cared, showing me she was so happy to see me, followed by a sharp reminder I wasn't acting responsibly and she was freaking the f*ck out at the thought of something has happened to me.

This has stayed with me all these years, I have a habit of letting anyone who is expecting me anywhere know where I am, or if there are any delays, etc. sometimes (maybe, I'll admit a little too much, and always request the same.

For, perhaps even a 10-year-old I remember that look on my mam's face and the worry I caused and would never want to repeat it. But should the choice of my mam's reaction have been different, or had she not come at all with a loud car with sirens and lights flashing, I would have grown with a slightly different core memory, one not so nice.

Are we aware of how we behave around the impressionable people in our lives? If we have a bad day do we act like it is everyone's fault? If we feel down do we try to make everyone else's mood come down to our level?

Or if we do not feel good about ourselves do we make everything about ourselves with every little comment that is made?

Are there areas we may need to become more aware of our reactions or behaviors around others, not just children but our friends and workmates too?

Food for thought.

Have a great bank holiday everyone.

And as always, thanks for reading.

Marcus.