I love me, who do you love

what do you say to yourself each day in the mirror

This was not a good week.

Sadly I attended a friend of mine's funeral, a beautiful young human who was quite honestly up there as the friendliest person I have met.

Waiting outside, in the middle of the enormous crowd, I overheard twice comments of "if they only knew how loved they were, with this turnout."

I would not believe within a mind that is suffering if that was a significant thought, the mind's opinion on how much the individual loved and saw themselves could be more relevant.

Trust me, the comment "you love yourself" has been thrown at me numerous times, but generally on a football pitch (full of over-heightened masculine energy.)

And usually, because I decided to brush my hair that day or had my regular tanned glow off me. But uneducated or not, in the middle of a football pitch was not the place to explain.

This is not loving yourself; these are ways you want to present yourself.

Truly Loving yourself is so so different.

We are NOT defined by how we look, and the energy we hold within draws those around us to it.

Self-Love is much, much more.

Knowing our self-worth and all of the qualities we possess, regardless of if everyone is lucky enough to witness them or not.

The honesty to say I was wrong, being accountable for our mistakes or wrongdoings, and the awareness to not or at least try not to let them happen again.

Being able to see a brighter future in some capacity, even in dark times, is self-love, understanding tomorrow won't be as bad as today if we can switch to that mindset.

Carrying out acts of self-care and instilling boundaries, as stated in last week's email (head to archives if you missed it)

Following your passions in life is self-love, allowing your dreams to take first place, to ignite that fire within. Trying something you always wanted to do and doing it for you.

Not allowing others’ dreams to become yours unless it is a shared one.

Allowing yourself to be comfortable in your own company, embracing every moment as precious time for yourself, without worries or cares, or feelings of loneliness, just being present in that moment or moment as your time.

Not allowing anyone else's behaviour or attitude to affect your life or determine how you feel or act.

Be it a toxic relationship or past one, that trauma we hold within.

Not allowing them to define who we indeed are.

Showing those who matter to you in the world your true authentic self.

Someone's actions or cruel words are not who you are.

Understanding that, we can only control the controllable's.

And that starts with OUR thoughts about ourselves.

Those thoughts are the ones that matter most.

Being open to asking for help is possibly the most challenging act of self-love. Losing the fear or shame that may come with asking and surrounding yourself with the right people helps with this process, and having supportive voices for your hopes, dreams, struggles, and fears is self-love.

An accountability mirror is a tool I explain to my clients (something I heard David Goggins refer to in his book.)

Where one can look at the mirror each morning and affirm they will do their best in all areas throughout the day, and at the end of the day, return to the same mirror, the exact reflection as the morning.

Only you can answer whether all of this has been accomplished.

And if in any area it hasn't, be kind enough to yourself to say tomorrow is another day to attempt it.

These are only a few of so many ways to love oneself, and trying to tick these areas off is so complex, and this is not a suggestion that it will cure that troubled mind.

When raring kids, working, managing relationships, and just life generally gets in the way, this process is even more complex and may seem impossible sometimes.

Putting yourself first will always seem selfish and scary.

But trusting that YOU DESERVE and NEED to come first to be a better person in all those other areas is a start.

This takes time, takes patience, and they do not all have to be done simultaneously for results to happen.

These steps should be done gradually; remember, they can start today.

What or how do you decide, is your choice?

How will you love yourself today?

As always, thanks for reading.

Marcus.