Men's Circle

The Power of the O

Men talk to men A LOT.

You see it in pubs on a Sunday afternoon watching the football, or just after playing a game themselves, large groups laughing and bantering amongst one another.

Building sites too, men are working with men, throwing about some slagging towards one another, or seeing who got up to the most outrageous acts at the weekend.

Allowing the ego to take over to try to impress one another in between comparing tool sizes (it's a building site, relax)

Now that's not generalizing these places, but being a man, I have witnessed and been part of such times.

Why?

Because it is safe, it is lighthearted, and within our comfort zone because it is safe.

I can't recall any time scoring a goal in a match, and when talking about it, saying when the ball hit the back of the net, I felt so much joy within me. It was a happiness that I cannot describe, and seeing the smiles on my teammates' faces as they ran toward me made me feel so good inside.

No, not at all.

It was usually a comment like, "it was decent enough, wasn't it.'

Or after missing a good scoring chance and saying,

" I am so upset, as my inner critic is in my head, telling me I am not good enough and that I feel that I have let so many people down."

No, we usually head home to be alone or drown our sorrows by drinking pint after pint, leaving those thoughts inside our heads.

This is men's language: push things aside, laugh them off, bury them for a little while until they pop up again, and we end up taking it out on whoever is unlucky enough to cross our paths at that time.

The language most men use with one another, be it football, a relationship, work-related, or health concerns, unfortunately, doesn't extend past small sentences.

"All good bro, ye I'm grand, or the classic F*ck it."

Men's circles, Men's sheds, or other similar titles for them.

A safe, non-judgmental space is created by a facilitator, allowing men to speak openly about various topics that have come up in their lives.

Unlike one-to-one therapy, this group setting allows men to feel less vulnerable, as they will also hear from others who have been through what they are going through.

Men who are there for the same reasons, men who understand the rules set out at the start of the session, rules about empathy, confidentiality, and allowing others space to speak.

An open mind is usually asked for, as these circles can include various tasks or exercises to perform to allow the feeling of comfort to increase.

Be it meditation, sitting in silence, yoga, stretching, holding one another, breathwork, or simply listening.

Allowing yourself to put one another in the shoes of the person speaking, seeing what it must be like for them as they take you on their painful journey.

They are learning a new language, feeling safe to speak this way, and embracing it.

Remembering that the troubles shared and the concerns of the individual and sharing alone could bring tremendous relief.

The group setting gives that team a feel about it, each for the same reason and goal in hand, to help themselves and one another feel better.

There is no competition, no age limit, and no discrimination.

There is no ego.

These are required to be left at the door.

We all have past and present situations, but this is about making a better future for everyone who attends.

Replacing shame, guilt, and fear with hope, joy, and peace.

Understanding that nobody is alone in what they are going through, somebody has been there before and come out the other side.

These circles are becoming more common, thankfully, from hike meet-ups and sea dips and beach walks to Men's retreats.

The critical part is the encouragement given to a brother, boyfriend, uncle, cousin, or friend to attend one of them.

Help normalize men speaking out, and help educate one another in the language to speak without fear, help someone help themselves.

Trust me, from someone who attended and also created a men's circle, they are powerful, so magical, and the work that commences within is life-changing.

Not only for the individual attending but for all those they encounter in the future.

A little different this week and may seem targetted at men, but trust me, a woman supporting a man, encouraging him to express himself deeper without fear, is invaluable.

And can only improve the relationships they are in with this support.

Thanks, as always, for reading.

Marcus