The Best teacher I've had
The journey of personal development takes many a path to grow as individuals; we have to re-educate ourselves, sometimes the complete opposite as we have been shown for most of our lives.
To dispute the guidance shown to us by our caregivers, teachers, and long-time social groups, to even disagree with how society has laid the paths for us, can be a terrifying thing to do.
It starts with the self first in personal development; I prefer to call it personal or self-discovery.
And with that comes the word awareness, my favorite word I learned in therapy and everyday life.
Self-awareness is the most uncomfortable task, not to criticize oneself but to look closely at our reactions and behaviors towards people and situations that pop into our lives.
We have all been the receivers of some criticism throughout our lives, in family, school, sports, and with friends, and regardless of the level of it, it tends to play and stick heavily inside us for many years. Either consciously or unconsciously, it raises its head from time to time.
The natural reaction is to become defensive and attack back with "our" argument, not to take the full blame.
But reflecting on this and allowing us to become more self-aware, we understand that sometimes we must accept some, if not all, blame.
(side note* my dog did not eat my homework all those times)
But in all seriousness, the words narcissist, controlling, gaslighting, and victim mentality are being used so much lately when trying to defend ourselves coming out of toxic relationships or work environments. Still, with true self-discovery, we may admit we all would have some of these tendencies within us.
The ego does not allow this, and the ego tells us we have been hurt, mistrusted, or misunderstood. Yet, the people pleaser, the fixer side of the ego, makes us believe we can make that person into the person we want them to be, that in itself we must take the blame for.
Our choices fall solely on ourselves, for we always have a choice, but if we refuse to look at our actions and reactions, we will always be in the right, becoming the "victim."
Two wrongs do not make a right, but the other person's wrong is not our concern; we must be honest enough to look at our wrongdoings and attempt to make them right for the next person or situations we are dealt with in life.
The language we use not only to others but to ourselves, to be kind and not so critical but also to be honest enough that we may have handled or gone about things differently.
To admit blame brings shame, guilt, and those feelings of low self-worth are not pleasant and are easier to dismiss and defend.
But to truly grow, we must accept these are just learned behaviors and reactions, and they, like our thoughts, can be dismissed and worked on more positively and softly.
This approach brings us more lessons about ourselves, brought by our most valuable teacher YOU.
We are not always right, just as we are not always wrong, but admitting where we could have done things better is the first start.
And the choices that follow are what will help continue this process.
As always, thanks for reading.
And please be kind to each other and, more importantly, yourself.
Marcus.
As always a goodie, keep growing and keep giving encouraging words to all those that will listen and learn to grow withing themselves.