Time to tell the truth

What Gabor Mate and talking bollox have in common.

So, I have been missing in action. I've had this newsletter half-written for the last two weeks, but that's untrue. I may as well be truthfully honest; I have had it in my head for the last three weeks and never gave myself time to write it.

But that's okay; the idea came into my head after a friend sent me a link on radical honesty, and I thought to myself, what a good topic for a newsletter (so just as well I came clean at the start,) but then I procrastinated for a few days. Then, by chance, I heard a podcast with Gabor Mate as a guest. For those who do not know him, I invite you to Google, YouTube, or search for him in any way possible. His talks and outlook on all areas are fascinating and inspire much of my work.

In this Podcast, he admitted he was not his authentic self for a short time and that the person on social media or in his books was not how he truly felt he was internally. He felt like a fraud.

But with self-awareness, he owned that and went about ways to try to get back to the person he was when he was at his most authentic self. So again, I thought, wow, I was not to write that last week as now this is such an excellent addition to the newsletter in my head. Did I write it then? No, I did not, but more on that later.

So radical honesty is a term that is used for those in recovery. Still, as the video states, this is not only helpful for limiting compulsive overconsumption (addiction) but also the core of a life well lived.

Telling the truth is painful, and we are programmed from an early age to begin to lie, from the child who does not want to get into trouble to adults who know that being honest may hurt those close to us and leave us with a feeling of low self-worth, for we may have let these people down. I was always told as a kid to be a good liar, you need to have a good memory, so as adults, the lies tend to become more calculated to get away with them.

The more we tend to lie not only to others more importantly, to ourselves and are left with feelings of shame and isolation, we tend to fall into areas of self-destruction. These masks we wear to impress those around us leave us heavy and weighed down, and we often turn to something to self-medicate, which begins another cycle of shame and disgust within ourselves. It does not always have to be drugs or alcohol, gambling or porn, and these fixes can come in many forms, such as toxic relationships,

speaking badly of people through jealousy or anger to make us feel a little better without much use.

The person we put out on social media for all to see or who we are around certain people are NOT the people we genuinely believe we are, but sure, "everyone does it. I was only joking, and they know I am not serious or sure nobody cares what I say or do."

All this for a few laughs or to be seen as the cool one. And in the case of men, to be the cool one, something the boys will love to hear in the dressing room.

To be authentic to your higher self is difficult, and to some, it may seem impossible, but to be truthful to those around us, we first have to be genuine and honest to ourselves. This is the work we must do in self-development.

You see, another reason I never got around to that email was yet to be apparent. But it was the biggest reason, and I guess it was supposed to happen, it was admitting that I was that person above, live, on a very popular podcast (talkin bollox)I recorded this week out loud for all to hear. I had done all, if not more, for many years, and for whatever reasons, I continued to do it and had a book of lies and excuses to cover it all up.

Now, I will not act the saint. I still do not get it right all the time, but I can call myself out on it a lot quicker than I did for years to get back to being true to myself. And it feels so good not beating myself up every day and in need of toxic behaviours to make me feel good to allow that cycle to happen all over again.

So you see, sometimes things do not go to plan as you had hoped, things will not go your way, but sometimes it is because there is something better ahead, a more significant reason to back you up, but to own it and be okay with it, removes so much turmoil.

So, this week's question is, what areas of your life do you need to be radically honest about? What do you need to say or admit to yourself or others that may have been avoided for some time?

Whatever it is, be kind to yourself, appreciate your honesty, even if just to yourself, and take the first steps in helping you become who you truly are.

As always, thanks for reading

Marcus.