What was, What is, What Now?

the power of the pen.

For those of you who do not know, I have published a self-discovery journal titled What Was, What Is, What Now, a twelve-chapter journey to bring awareness to various areas in our lives, to bring growth and change within these areas, to live a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

Journaling for me, was an amazing tool introduced to me by my therapist and again in my studies, to emphasize the power of putting our thoughts and feelings down on paper to help release and mostly make sense of, to bring such growth and change.  

There are many types of ways you can journal, it can be done in diary form, or free flow, where we scribble down allowing the pen to not leave the page, and whatever comes to mind goes down on the page, gratitude journaling, to make note of all the things we are grateful for to remind us of the good in our lives. All ways are hugely beneficial to improve our well-being and mental health. 

My one is a little different, it was the questions I asked myself in therapy, and after the sessions, it has a structure in it, where each specific area has its section, and questions to ask yourself.

There is a start of the week and end of the week part to make note of any changes in how we handled a situation and if it improved our feelings.

For example, I will share something personal to use as an example that perhaps had I known these tools at the time it would have helped me immensely, again another reason for writing this journal.

The Story (can insert any story, or situation)

So, those of you who have listened to podcasts I've done will know that growing up my relationship with my dad was not the best, 2 different mindsets going against one another but he was my dad, and I wanted to do right by him, often against my true self, thankfully we got through it and became close and good friends (the happy ending ish) but not before years of hurt and pain. 

But, had I discovered journalling, and the power of asking myself some hard-hitting questions it may have solved these problems a lot sooner.

Here are some examples of what may have come up.

Cultivating Self Awareness 

Knowing in myself that I was a good person, I was kind and liked to help others and that was ok, that perhaps I lived in fear of letting people (my dad) down a reason I didn't take chances, and with my insecurities, I was a people pleaser who did so much for people who perhaps did not return it to me, making me feel neglected and unloved.

Healthy Body, Healthy Mind

That, giving up on activities, sports, or fitness to perhaps have time off to socialize, go out partying to escape that feeling of loneliness, when in fact it made things worse.

Tackling My Bad Habits

The use of alcohol to block out feelings, or pushing those away who were generally there to help, self-sabotaging any good relationships I had as a defence mechanism to protect myself, which again made things worse. Rebelling against my dad in ways that were harming me rather than getting back at him.

Embracing that inner child 

Being so serious all the time, everything was a chore or competition, and forgot to have fun, let my hair down, and just laugh, play a sport, or do an activity that made me smile, was afraid to just be silly, I grew up too fast.

Giving in Silence

At one stage when felt I was doing all the giving and not receiving any gratification in return, I behaved in ways I would only do things when expected something in return. Refusing to help those who generally needed help, but my home life turned me against the world.

Focussing on Relationships

Blocking out the hurt and pain but also the good in my life, losing good people along the way, and not trying to mend the broken ones, allowing stubbornness and ego to make that call.

This to Shall Pass

Knowing this at the time would have saved hours upon hours of self-loathing and beating myself up in my mind about anything that was going on, I was making that the main focus of my life, which affected so many others.

Harnessing my energy

Feeling down and low in the house, surrounded by bad tension,I would stay there, fight the fight or sulk in my room, instead of getting out and surrounding myself with people and places that lifted my spirits, even a walk by the ocean or nature.

My Beliefs and Values

Affirming these on paper would have given me the strength to stand by them, be my true self, be around those who shared the same one, and distance myself from those who did not, but also allowed me to believe my values and beliefs are my own and CAN be different to those who we may feel we must live by theirs.

Communication is Key

The power of talk, forcing myself to have those conversations in the right manner with the right tone of voice, to listen and hear the other's point of view and to share mine correctly, to find that middle ground. We may not always have the same opinion but to make any relationship work there must be an agreement that leaves both parties happy.

Setting Healthy Boundaries 

To allow myself space away from those who did not make me feel my best self, to avoid friend groups that I did not feel a part of anymore yet continued as it was better than being at home, but also understanding that boundaries work in families too.

What Now

Upon reflection on all my thoughts and feelings in each of these areas, I would have a better understanding of myself and those around me. Affirm to me I have taken every step necessary to resolve any area I was journaling about, but to also aid in the next situation that came along, to avoid any unwanted feelings experienced before.

Now, a little long-winded to my normal blog but this is the shortest way I could show the power of journalling on a self-discovery journey, you can write more or less, as remember this is YOUR story, and it is time to write it, and have the happiest ending you can have.

As always, thanks for reading

Marcus